This is a video I made with my neighbor. It is in a (currently) 8-video series, all of them being about me being a total idiot and somehow learning a lesson. I'll post more periodically, as the technical difficulties are over. Enjoy.

We are having technical difficulties

Hurray! I exist!
Why aren't you all cheering?
Hm. Anyway, I fixed the annoying problem that made it so I couldn't log in and make a new post. I'm trying to post a video which will be part of a series called "Morals," which script I...wrote, mostly, so...trying to stick with my theme.

I'll get it up after the technical difficulties are solved.

That's it! No More/Zucchini

Take whichever title you want. "That's it! No More" means I'm done doing our vacation because I don't feel like it. "Zucchini" means this report I wrote on zucchini the other day:

Zucchini is Nasty: The Assortment of Works

Chapter 1: The Story (Writing)

            As soon as Grandma suggested the creation of zucchini bread, I knew I had been sucked into an inescapable trap. I answered her questions, carefully wording my responses, trying to avoid having to be stuck with the prospect of having to eat zucchini bread. I succeeded, but what I got instead was the next worst thing. I was forced to eat one of the most unappetizing excuses for a food that has ever crawled the face of the earth.

            I broke off a tiny piece of the forsaken vegetable (no way that thing is a fruit), and placed it in my mouth. As soon as its smooth but horrid texture hit my tongue, I wanted to rip out my throat and throw it out the window, zucchini and all. But somehow, I pulled through and conquered the first bite. I proceeded to slowly break my small piece into smaller bits and eat them, having to go through the raw torture every time.

            If my chunk of zucchini I was given would have been any bigger, I wouldn’t have made it out of there alive. The only way someone could hold down an entire zucchini would be if their tongue was burnt raw and the nerves to their mouth were ripped into shreds.

            After I had finished off the horrid, accursed thing, I queasily stumbled over to the computer to type this story, joyous that I had made it out alive, but too tortured to celebrate.

Chapter 2: Describing Zucchini (Writing)

            Zucchini is an unacceptable pile of disgusting ooze wrapped together, condensed, and hardened into an atrocious seed of eternal agony. Once the seed is planted, every cell in the forsaken body of the seed multiplies hundredfold, each stream of intense torture being wrapped around each other until they are just a tangle of miserable hurt. Eating zucchini sends you into a maelstrom of dark wind rushing through your body, threatening to tear you apart from the inside. The goose bumps that appear on your skin multiply and grow until they are the size of pumpkins. It feels like snakes and leeches are swarming near your skin, trying to escape the flies that develop in your stomach.

            Eating zucchini is a traditional form of suicide. As soon as it touches your tongue, your mouth implodes, forcing you to swallow the cursed thing. As it oozes down your throat, it causes your neck to constrict around it, twisting you into an extremely uncomfortable position. As the evil vegetable (fruit?) crashes into your stomach, it bursts into flames, causing a chemical reaction with your stomach acids that eat away past your flesh and burn your bones. Finally, as your organs are being devoured, all that remains is your skin and the zucchini on the inside. Your eyes were eaten, your bones were eaten. All that remains is a shell of skin, a shell of skin that collapsed on the floor.

            Due to the awful side effects of eating zucchini (burning, ripping, swelling, developing maggots inside of you, imploding, constricting, exploding, devouring, dissolving, destroying, etc.), it is generally not a good idea to eat it.

Chapter 3: How I Honestly Feel (Writing)

            I honestly feel that zucchini is not something I should be eating. Putting it into bread is even worse, and—

            “Oh, please! You can’t even taste it!”

            —and I don’t think that is an acceptable reason as (A) You would only put zucchini into bread if you like it, therefore, you would want to taste it, and (B) If you don’t taste it, why even put it in?

            “Uh, well, I, um…”

            Exactly. Zucchini should not even be considered a food. I HONESTLY FEEL THIS. And, technically, you must agree with me, even if you have your own opinion, because if you didn’t, it would be like saying “No, you aren’t cold! Get over here!” You can decide your own opinion, but you must accept mine.

Chapter 4: Zucchini is Stinky (Poem)

Zucchini

Is stinky

Even worse than

Panini

(Because there’s probably nothing wrong with that!)

It’s awful

Have a waffle

But zucchini isn’t lawful

It is worse than a hairy sewer rat

I have one

It’s quite fun

And it must weigh

A ton

I got it on this game that I have

Zucchini

I thinky

Is worse than

Sewers (stinky)

Zucchini is what I really want to stab

Why make it?

Why bake it?

And why would you

Guys fake it?

And tell me that it is banana bread?

That is mean

And it seems

That you are not

On my team

Unless you say what it really is instead

Anyway

Now today

Get rid of it all

(Hooray!)

Because it is really bad stuff

Say bye-bye

I won’t cry

I’d rather eat pump—

—kin pie!

This is the end of the poem and I can’t think of a good rhyme for stuff so that’s IIIIIIIIT!

Chapter 5: Conclusions (Song)

As this report comes to a close…

I hope you know…

That zucchini is awful!
Really, really bad!
And it makes Trystan

Really, really, sad.

Don’t give it to him

Plain or in bread.

Because (you never know)

It could make him dead!

Stay away from the stuff!
Fruit, vegetable, whatever!

Because it’s still zucchini!

(Mia wanted to say “Heather”)

It’s horrendous, so terrible!

Blah blah blah!
You know, if you really want to know more, re-read this report.

THE END

(Though zucchini is a heck of a lot better than pizza!)

DAY 2

Sorry, no pictures this time. But this post will be short, as it is just more driving. I will try to sum up the day in the fewest number of words I can:

We drove.

Since I cannot remember anything else significant on this day besides us reaching our hotel (I am writing all of these posts in a row after I got back), and because the members of my family are too busy watching TV to provide more information, that's it.

Back from the "Va-cay!"

DAY 1
In case you are wondering, "va-cay" is Tarlan's shortened version of the word "vacation". She has been on a texting talking streak lately, replacing words like dinner with din and breakfast with b-fast.

So foody! Anyway, this post will show our...adventures of day 1 of our fabulous "va-cay". We woke up or got woken up (insert guilty grin) and picked up our bags and loaded in the car.

We are total weirdos on our vacations. What we do is so bizarre and so much looking like we're criminals, I can't even begin to describe it.

...We put towels over our windows. They were dangling on the inside to block out the sun, but they looked like we were criminals whose identities were supposed to remain concealed...

We stopped off at Burger King to eat lunch because what other options would we have? While we were there I saw this on a door:

Best. Sign. Ever.

We finished eating and left.

Finally, we arrived at our hotel, and it was late, but Tarlan and I were still hungry for some "din". We went to a restaurant right next to our hotel and I ordered the biggest pancakes EVER. They were huge, I wish I had a picture. There were 2 of them, and I ate all I could.

That night, I threw up. Lovely. I was going to take a picture of that too, (hahahaha) but I didn't have access to the camera at 2:00 AM.

So THAT is day 1.

:(

Why won't my Pacman game work?

Vacation!

Today we are packing to go on our vacation! We will be starting the long drive tomorrow morning. We'll eventually get to Minnesota.

That show, America's Next Great Restaurant, is part of the reason!

This Soul Daddy restaurant won, and now it is an actual restaurant you can go to. Asher's favorite food: chicken legs. Mine: pancakes. THAT IS WHAT THEY SERVE THERE!! (Except waffles, not pancakes).

So we're going to go there, and to the Mall of America.

...Since my brain can't think right now, that's it...

My Prologue

Finally, the first post about writing. Here is the approximate prologue that you will see in my book when it's finished.

The mysterious figure stepped towards the abandoned, crooked house in the late night. Crickets whistled from far away, and a full moon shined overhead. The man slowly walked past a gnarled, dark tree that was leaning forward menacingly, and entered the empty house. He shimmered as if he wasn’t really there for a few seconds, then quietly stepped further inside. Dust clung to the splintered wooden walls and curtains lay tattered on the floor. The man looked down and noticed a shattered golden chandelier that had obviously fallen from the ceiling. Carefully, the man reached into his long, dark robe and pulled out a small sack. The red markings on his clothes glowed as he opened the bag and poured its contents, powdery brown dust, into his hand. He then put the small pouch back into his robe pocket and enclosed his fist around the dusty substance.

The man turned his fist over and released his grip, dropping the powder onto the floor. As soon as it hit, the dust began to glow a bright green color, then it shimmered and vibrated. The man felt the house shake gently, as if the aftershock of an earthquake just hit, but it emanated from the green powder. Suddenly, the dust exploded, and every single piece shot away from the pile to form a perfect ring. It was as if a bomb went off inside the powder, but all of it hit an invisible wall before it could go further. The man stooped down and examined the ring. The dust was still glowing a bright green.

            “Not enough,” the man said, and then reached into his robe once more. This time he produced a thick book with a gem embedded on the cover. He opened it up, revealing worn-out pages covered with text and notes. The entire book was filled with bookmarks, and the mysterious man turned to the page marked by a thick dark one.

            “I knew it,” the man said in a ghastly but quiet voice. He put the book back and took out a second pouch of the bizarre dust. This time, instead of pouring it into his hand first, he just turned the bag over and let all of the powder drop onto the floor, landing in a neat pile.

            Just like the first, the second pile exploded, sending a slight gust of wind outward from the inside. All of the dust flew back and landed in the ring formed by the first pile. The man bent down and examined the green ring. The cryptic red markings on his robe burned brighter the closer he got. He put his hand on his chin, considering the circle of green dust.

            “Yes,” he said quietly. “This should work.” He stood back up and stepped into the ring of glowing powder. The further in he went, the more intensely the dust shined. Finally, the man reached the center of the circle. The dust began to glow brighter and brighter at an unstoppable rate, then suddenly the entire ring of powder burst into green flames. The man remained calm from within the circle, as he was expecting this sudden alteration. The flames flickered and burned higher, as if the dust they came from was a constant, infinite supply of wood. The blaze did not give off any heat, even though it was slowly turning into a bonfire. The man lifted his arms into the air as four fiery balls appeared on the ring where the points of the compass would be.

            Suddenly, a beam shot out of each huge sphere, connecting above the man’s outstretched arms. The fire from the ring flickered higher, almost reaching the man’s chest. The entire house shook slightly, and then began to quake more and more until it almost felt like a violent earthquake. The point where the beams intersected began to form a fifth shining ball, made almost entirely out of green fire. Black spots appeared on the sphere, and smaller dark purple beams occasionally sparked out. The fire burned even higher, reaching the man’s chin. He remained confident inside the ring and kept his arms high above his head. The red symbols on his cloak blazed brightly.

            Every burning ball began to glow even brighter than before. Green flames flickered around all of them, and from the center of the ring, an inky black spot appeared on the floor. It stretched out, making the entire interior of the ring a dark purple color. Boards began to snap as the abandoned home shook even more vigorously. It felt as if two giants were throwing the house back and forth in an eternal game of catch. From outside the ring, miniature tornadoes formed, spiraling faster and faster as the entire room began to glow. The inky interior of the ring spread out, changing the floor of the entire room to a dark color. The five spheres began to spin violently, throwing bits of fire everywhere. It could hardly be seen, however, because the entire room was enveloped in a bright green glow so intense it appeared to be an emerald cloud.

            From within the ring, the man still stood with his arms above his head. The entire spell had made his head hurt, and he was quivering slightly, but he gritted his teeth and let the dust work its magic. The flames had long since enveloped him completely, and the green power still surged all around him. More windows shattered and dusty furniture fell as the house shook incredibly. The movement came from within the ring, so the quaking was most intensely concentrated there. The man almost stumbled and fell, but he kept his balance.

            Just then, everything stopped. The fire immediately extinguished, the shaking halted, and the burning orbs disappeared. The glowing faded and the miniature tornadoes vanished. Everything was still once again. Suddenly, a solid black line appeared in midair, as if the air itself wanted to be seen. The line began to grow upward, forming a dark square. It now looked like there was a hole in the air, a rip in reality. The square slowly began to increase in size. It grew to the size of a door, then began to seep dark energy. Black lightning about two inches long occasionally zapped out. Looking deep inside the dark hole, the man could see nothing but blackness, as if the void was a portal to somewhere deep in space.

            “This is good,” the man said, then laughed. The red patterns on his cloak lit up again as something emerged from the black rip.

SPOILER!!!The dude in the prologue is the villain of the story.

Eureka!

That does not neccesarily mean this is a good discovery. In fact, if pizza is the #1 worst thing in my life,  which it is, this is the 438th worst...I discovered that it is extremely difficult if not IMPOSSIBLE for me to post my slideshows in this blog.

(insert sad violin music here)

BUT!
If you really want to see them, I'll post that one of them is ready (The Quiz is ready at the moment) and then I can email it to whoever wants to see it, assuming that person has PowerPoint Viewer 2007.

So if you would like to watch The Quiz (or other slideshows when they are ready) you can just tell me and I'll email it to you. You can dowload PowerPoint Viewer 2007 for free somewhere...

Really Quick

This is what I wanted my picture to be instead of me holding the fish.

Isn't it awesome?

Okay,

This is what has been going on.

I bought a pack of 25 balloons at the Dollar Store and discovered that if you fill them up with water, they become these awesome bouncy balloon things. (Epic on the tramp). Tarlan, Asher, and I dubbed them Blubber Nuggets, because they truly look like a big blob of fat.

...Well they're a lot cooler than I just made them sound...

I went to the doctor today for the 12-year check-up thing. The one lady gave me these three shots all in the same spot in my innocent arm, and it was stinging all day long. She said I should do active stuff with my arm, so that the medicine would work or whatever. When I came home, I played basketball with my mom and Asher. I was doing good until I got in this "funk" and started being a big failure.

I was missing every shot and my mom said this...joke... "Since you got 3 shots in your arm you should have better shots in your arm!" Then I tried to get out of the funk. I tried to make 3 baskets in a row, but I kept missing. Whenever I got to two, I would throw the ball, then it would spin around the rim and fall off. :(

Finally, my mom left to check on Tarlan and I immediately made three shots in a row.

MY MOM WAS THE FUNK!!
So then I came inside and started working on my blog.
Work on my slideshow has been halted temporarily.
I still hate pizza.
I'm still writing.
And I still hate pizza.

First!

Here is the START of this wonderful new blog that will be SO COOL! I will write about writing without the boring, boring learning that you have to cram in your head about what to remember.

I won't put any "Always make your hero have green hair," or "Every chapter has to be exactly 13 pages long" or that kind of thing.

And it won't be just about writing! If I can find a way to make this blog thing work, it will include my slideshows that I'm making and more hate for pizza. (Or not...) Not saying I suddenly like pizza, but you probably don't want to hear me talk all day long about...

...said Trystan, trailing off. Oops, okay, anyway, this is the first...uh, thing I'm going to put in, and I'll see if I can make this blog thing do more. And, if I can, I can put pictures and stuff about what I'm doing...So this will have writing stuff, (very broad topic) possibly a few posts about the nasty, greasy, disgusting oozeball of vile, sickening abomination spit that can call itself a food, more commonly known as pizza, and my adventures. And my slideshows.